When words fail, nonsense prevails. The descent into absurdism

Pumpkin Teleportation

I just figured out how carbon based life forms could exist on other planets: Pumpkins! It's that obvious.

Each time you eat a pumpkin seed a copy of yourself is spawned on a random planet, it is an exact replica of you at the moment you eat the seed, but you are unaware of each other. Unfortunately, most planets are inhospitable, and your clones die very painful deaths.


Crouton in my nappy

There's a crouton in my nappy,
it doesn't make me very happy.
It is soggy, and I have no hair,
I feel it against me, I am very bare.



How does one know if he is an iguana? This is a question I was posed recently, and I think the answer is a simple one: do you eat snails?

In my own case, the answer is yes, I have eaten a snail. And by my own logic, which is infallible, I am an iguana. But, I think it would have been easier to ascertain the answer while I crawl on walls.


The Bejeezus

Many people talk about having the bejeezus knocked out of them. Nobody has yet to describe what a bejeez actually looks like. So, last night I set about to observe the bejeezus after they were knocked out of me.

It happened while I was just on the verge of sleep, when suddenly a loud beep emanated from the phone next to me. That was when I noticed the little furry bejeezus running round in circles. They were as startled as I was, and it showed. In their panic, the bejeezus were bumping into each other, causing them to fall down and subsequently cry. It was quite the sad sight. After a few minutes of this, the bejeezus calmed down and sleepily crawled back inside me so that I could sleep whole again.

I expect the purpose of the bejeezus is to defend me against the very thing that startled me, but they seem to have become slow and lazy from lack of use in our very safe modern world. After that episode, I think I'm going to be a bit more kind towards my bejeezus, and scare them more often.

#nonsense #alternatefiction

Pygmy Tortoise Rabbits (Part 1)

One of the more numerous creatures of Wourckleshire is the Pygmy Tortoise Rabbit. It is often found scuttling around shallow streams and rivers, in search of it's faviourite food, the Three Tailed Standelion. Being one of the smallest residents of the valleys of Wourckleshire, the Pygmy Tortoise Rabbit is barely twice the height of a common garden snail, and must constantly be on the lookout for predators.

The life cycle of the Pygmy Tortoise Rabbit begins when a breeding pair finds the fallen fruit of a Smapple Tree. The female will tunnel a small hole into the fruit, and lay up to 12 eggs, the male will then fertilize them, and watch over the clutch for the 3 week incubation period.

#alternatefiction #fakeumentory #wourckleshire

hello world

Sometimes a potato is just a potato, but other times it is a brick. During most of the potato's life, this distinction between being a potato and a brick is delightful, and can often mean the difference between being eaten, and being made into a house.